So this year I'm getting a headstart on Christmas baking. Why? I'm not really sure, I mostly just didn't want to end up making cookies frantically in the days leading up to Christmas thinking that if I don't get everything made, Christmas won't be successful. Not that that's not true, because for me, it most definitely is. If we can't sit down to at least one cookie dinner a week, then it's just not the same. Yes, we are a strange family. But if you've never had cookie dinner (dinner consisting entirely or mostly of Christmas cookies), then you haven't lived.

So this weekend I started off with a bang by making one of my favorite cookies, the Russian Tea Cake. It's a perfect, tiny, walnutty shortbread cookie rolled in powdered sugar. The key is to make the cookies small enough that they are literally one-bite sized. They are so crumbly, that anything larger is just a mess. I usually use a mechanical scooper that's about 1 1/2-2 inches in diameter. It just makes life so much easier. Something along these lines.

These cookies barely expand, so you can place them very close together, and, if you have a gigantimous cookie sheet like I just happened to have, end up fitting an entire double batch on one sheet, as seen below.

I am in love.


I want a cloche!!!

I am in absolute lurrrrv with this scarf. Yes, I have a secret penchant for drama in my dressing. Or maybe it's not so secret.

I love YouTube for so many reasons, not the least of which is the Cheetah Lady. She scares me and entertains me all at once. But the thing I love most is that I can watch almost any movie or show any time I want. Example; I was just watching some movie review show with A.O Scott (not my favorite NYTimes critic, but it's weird that I have a favorite one anyways, so I'll take what I can get) and when it came time to name his favorite pick that's coming out on DVD soon, he chose "Shop Around the Corner," perhaps the most perfect romantic comedy of all time. Jimmy Stewart is still young, I'm not sure if he's supposed to be Hungarian or not, and it's been remade about 100 times, but no one has been able to match the original glory. Please watch it if you never have! The final scene when they're closing the shop together is unexpectedly hot, and the complete package is just. so. satisfying. Anyways, the point is, A.O. Scott drove me to YouTube to watch "Shop Around the Corner," and there it was, just waiting for me, perfection in 11 parts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOv03vAtrqE

Enjoy!

Well, I guess an update is in order. Something besides my whining anyways. I'm in Tennessee! Round about March and April, I go all my applications sent in, and was accepted to every school I applied to! What a validation that was. I'm not sure why, but when I sent in my applications, I started getting really discouraged and seriously doubted I would get in anywhere...My GRE scores weren't awesome, my GPA was a sad 3.3 (the bare minimum for some programs), and I had little to no experience with libraries. But when I got my first acceptance letter (to Catholic University) it was the biggest boost and maybe I screamed and maybe I gave an acceptance speech even if I wasn't really planning on going there. I got an email from the university of Tennessee saying "sorry we're all full for this year, but we'll file your application and review it next year." And that was fine because I wasn't originally planning on starting until next year anyways. Then I came home in the beginning of May because my old student job would only let me work a few weeks after graduation and then I got booted, and my new job wouldn't be starting until June, so I had some time to kill. So I came home and lazed around the house. I did some work too, don't worry, it wasn't a complete loss. Then I got a letter from Tennessee saying "Hey we had some open spots so we looked at your application and you're in!" And that was a surprise because I started thinking if they would give me resident tuition I could just start this year and not languish in Provo for another year at a job which I would come to love, but for which I was overqualified (that's not snootiness, it's just the truth.) So I pretty much settled on Tennessee. But then I went back to Provo and got a letter from UNC-Chapel Hill. They have the top ranked program in the country for library science. So that was a huge dilemma for me- the better school that costs 4 times as much, or the cheaper school that's still good, but not as good, but allows me to take an exam instead of writing a thesis (which scares me). So for about two weeks I was back and forth. And back and forth. I've never been so unable to make a decision. And yes I researched it, and yes I prayed, and yes I talked to everyone I know to get their opinion, but finally just got too scared of taking on $40,000 of debt when I'm not going into a very high-paying profession and decided to go to Tennessee. And start this year, not next. So That job I started in June...loved it, but I only ended up staying for two months. Lame. And I just got back here to TN a couple of weeks ago and went to my orientation last weekend. And I'm SO EXCITED. But also really kind of scared because I, like I said, don't have much experience, but most of the entering class has already been working for a while in a related field. And I just got a bachelor's in psychology. That's not good for much. But I think I will be ok. Anyways, I moved back in with my parents (part of the attraction-if i can call it that, because, let's face it, I'm moving back in with my PARENTS- of coming back here was the free rent. I'm poor. OK. I'm dealing with it. But anyways, it's going to be quite an adjustment being here. I didn't think it would be so hard, but it is. I'm used to living a very independent, reclusive sort of life, and now there are people who monitor every move I make. And driving with my mother in the car? Forget it. I can't stand it, she complains about everything. But I'm trying to be patient because I know they're probably feeling a little...infringed upon as well. And it can't help that the whole family is home for a couple of weeks. Craig is on a two week break from school and Steven is here for a month on leave before he goes to Germany. To hopefully spend some time with the kids he barely sees and get some work done on his divorce. Like actually progress towards an end. And I can't stand dealing with his wife and it gets worse and worse with every passing day but I'm coping! Or trying to. But I'm starting grad school! Yay! My first class is on Monday.

P.s. The spell checker in live journal is really not user friendly. At all.

I'm sorry this is my depressing blog. If you want something else, you'll have to go to the other one. Weird that I have two blogs anyways, it's not like i ever write in either of them. Anyways, I just got really sad thinking about the fact that I haven't been on a date in YEARS. Not months, many many years. I don't really understand it, and I know most of the three people that read this blog get really sick of me complaining about things of that nature, but that's because you're both married and have babies on the way. YOU DONT KNOW MY PAIN. Really though, I think a large part of it is due to the fact that I've basically become a hermit since I got back from my mission, but on the other hand, I have no idea how to break out of that pattern. I don't want to. I don't want to meet people or hang out with the people that I already know. I don't really want to be on facebook, I don't want to talk on the phone, I just want to live a small, insular life with no possibility for awkward situations or any kind of emotional damage. But sometimes...it still hurts. I can't help it.

I may just be pointing out the obvious, but it never ceases to amaze or baffle me how life never follows the plans or expectations that you develop for yourself. It's something that I've been forcefully reminded of in the past year as I've watched my brother's whole life disintegrate. It's something that I was also reminded of in an extended room-mate discussion session that just ended. My room-mate Allison just told us that she has been feeling for a while that she needs to move out, no real reason, just a feeling. Which...sounds stupid maybe, but there are few people whose instincts or spiritual judgment I trust more. On top of that, she just started getting a similar feeling that she should end the relationship she's currently in with a really amazing guy. It just seems like too many changes, too much stress, and it hurts to see her struggle with these decisions, but she's determined to follow what she feels is the right thing for her to do right now, even though she 1) loves us (obviously...we're amazing), and 2) was almost engaged...and I admire her for it and know that what seem like very unfair or difficult decisions right now will bless her in the end- in some way that it's not possible to see now. The contrast between where her life is headed now and where it was going just a few days or weeks ago is striking. I guess I could say the same for myself...for the expectations I had five years ago compared to where I am now. I'm sure the same is true for lots of people. It's...bittersweet? sometimes? There is definitely an aspect of that. At the same time, I would not give up the deviations from my planned course, because they have made me who I am, have shaped me, for better or for worse. I hope I've learned a thing or two. Or three even. I guess I don't really know what I'm trying to say other than...One of the most important things I've learned so far is to be grateful for bumps and obstacles and train wrecks in life because they, more than anything else, show who you truly are, help you to know yourself, teach you vital lessons that you help you over larger ones later on. And maybe most importantly, give you the insight you will need to help others in facing their own trials. I don't know.

I'm not even sure what to say about this, but my brother's marriage has been falling about almost ever since it began, and it never seems to reach some sort of plateau, it just keeps getting worse and worse. This might seem selfish of me, but it just hurts me more than almost anything in the world to watch it happen, having no idea what I can do to help or at least alleviate some of his pain. It's been almost a year I think since I realized that it probably wasn't going to ever get better, and I'm just now able to talk to people about it. I've mostly been avoiding the whole situation mentally for months, thinking about it just makes me anxious, and that anxiety paralyzes me. What he's going through is just so far from anything I ever wished for him while we were growing up, he deserves truly the best of everything, but instead he is maligned and mistreated. And his wife, I love her too and its hard to watch her make the decisions she is making because in the end her life is only going to be more difficult than ever. I just...that's all i have on that for now.

 Oh I thought of more.  I really love my job right now. Honestly, all I do is take phone calls, but I love so much when I can actually help someone and make their day a little better. Plus right now, it's allowing me quite a bit of time to get homework done. Which is...helpful. Finals are next week. I've only been taking one class this spring, but I haven't been studying nearly as much as I should have. 

AND! I love the lab. I've been working at the infant development lab here on campus, and it's just fun. I mean I get to do research and build my resume...whatever. But also, I get to play with kids for 2 hours everyday. 

And did I mention the weather is beautiful?

life is awesome.

I get SOOOOOO tired of the non existent dating "scene" here in provo. You'd think, hey it's a college town, there's a lot of that right? WRONG.

Well, I really don't know how I got to be so bad at this whole journaling thing. Maybe I just don't have anything really to say.  meh.

Life has been really good lately-- I finally got over the stress of finals, and got to go back to Long Beach for the first time since I got home from my mission. It was so wonderful to see some of my favorite people again and to know that they're doing so well. While we were down there, we also saw Wicked, which was...just...really very good. Supposedly this is Wicked's last year in LA, but I'm not quite sure why, because it seems like turn-out is still pretty good. I guess the Pantages feels they could be making money better in other ways. We spent a while before the show walking around looking for a good restaurant to go to, but apparently we didn't realize that the theater is not in the best part of town, so instead we just found lots of so-so boutiques and "exotic" shoe stores.  So that was kind of a waste.

We also spent a night in Vegas, but with Vegas natives who have no interest in walking around downtown, so I'll have to go back another time to get my fill of bright lights and trashy billboards.

So now we're back, and classes started again yesterday. I was originally taking 2 classes this term, but apparently not enough people were signed up for the second one, so it's been cancelled. What really irks me though is that I found out about it accidentally, and not till the day before classes. Because apparently it's REALLY hard to send out an automated email saying "this class that you need to graduate and can't take any other time has been cancelled...mwahahahaha!" So I've been kind of frantic the last 2 days trying to figure out what to do, because apparently all sections of classes that fit that time slot have been cancelled as well (all upper level psych ones anyways), so I'm probably going to end up taking a class I was planning on for the fall now insted, and independent study as well (which means I'll be paying over $400 extra) just so I can fit this cancelled class in this fall. I'm not happy. But probably I'll get over it. Aside from that, I'm working quite a bit, and I got another "job" as a research assistant in the infant development lab on campus--I'm really excited for that because I'll be working with one of my favorite professors, and it will count as a cpstone experience which will enable me to graduate...and hopefully look good on grad school apps. We will see.

Today I overheard half of a telephone conversation that was really funny to me...I was walking past the library and this guy walked past me on the phone saying "South of the library........I'm walking along the southern edge of the library............the LIBRARY building..................the south side"  How many different ways can you say it?  I hope the person on the other end finally got it.  If not, I'm really worried for them.  

Today after class we went to see "Lars and the real girl."  What a tragic study in psychopathology!  It was really funny for the first minute or two after he introduced "Bianca" to his family, but most of the time after that it was just...heart-breaking.  I really liked it, especially his relationship with his doctor/therapist and the way they showed his family trying to cope with what was happening to Lars.  It was probably the first movie I've seen that really made me think about how I would react in that situation.  What would I do if one of my brothers started going through a huge delusional epsode or any kind of severe mental illness for that matter?  Anyways, it was tragic and perfect.  

     So really I've been back since October, but haven't posted since before I left.  Anyways, here I am, back in Provo.  I live a block south of campus, I get out of class every day at 11, and I study, and I read, and I watch movies, and I don't really do much else.  Oh also I hang out in #5 and feel like homeless Kurt.  Maybe only I understand that reference.

One more and then I'm really seriously truly done. Just an article from NYT...this is what I've been waiting for for years... http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/23/fashion/thursdaystyles/23BEARDS.html?_r=1&8nyh&emc=nyh&oref=slogin

I mean really, Stefano Pilati is the best thing to happen to YSL for YEARS. This whole kind of Mod Matador look that he's been working towards since he signed on as captain a few years back is desperately needed. While Dior is doing that mid 90's neutral sickness again and Chanel is getting into this kind of bizarre flirty baroque hard core rock thing, it's really good to see one of these pillars of couture doing something that I love and something which is actually wearable.

I love this paragraph from the NYTimes about "V for Vendetta"--

"The Wachowskis appear deeply enamored of the great (super) man theory of history, with mysterioso leaders who are intent on delivering the rest of us from false consciousness. Given this, it's no surprise that the geopolitical terrain staked out in this film skews so last century: globalization having been given the jackboot, partly, one imagines, because multinational capitalism, with its total market value and shareholder wealth, doesn't register as cool as all that shiny, shiny leather and crypto-Nazi styling."

I mean I haven't seen it yet. I just love the last sentence.

Anyways...Plan A worked very well, I made it to the end of the week thank heavens and I also found out (hilarity of hilarities) that he is *married* and has a *child* HAHAAAAAaahahahahaaa. It was all I could to to keep from bursting out in laughter today because of course then I would have had to explain why i was laughin and then they would know how seriously ...uh...not smart...he is.

sometimes I just feel like rambling. oh wait that's all i do on my lj. tonight i talked to a friend who i haven't seen for about 4 years, and it was just good. In the way that something associated with good times makes you feel. When we were pals we had so much fun but it was also a really really hard time in my life so...I don't know it just stirs up a lot of memories. Some good, some bad, some just bittersweet. And we talked about kurt vonnegut, and palahniuk with whom i am in love. and fantasy books. By the way, I'm obsessed with fantasy. And it's only increasing with time. And we talked about...v for vendetta which I want to watch very badly. And we talked about our jobs. And about california. and about melissa and mallory, two really good friends I lived with last semester but whom we both knew freshman year, but never really hung out with (at least not melissa. mallory we did. melissa was too busy studying). And basically we talked about everything but old times. It was...weird in that. but good I guess. Because really I've convinced myself that it's just better to forget that whole year. It was a lot of fun, but other things outweigh that. So that it's easier to block than to wallow. Nonetheless it was erally good to hear him again. Oh sigh. And then I talked to my josh friend and he told me the stor of his skanky roomate for whom he has lost all respect. and I tried to draw him out about his feelings for the aforementioned melissa. interesting. mostly i just made fun of him for this one night when we had made plans to go see a movie with a whole group of friends and we planned the movie and the people and the theater and apparently he wasn't paying any attention at all during this because the next night he shows up and we're all siting around waiting for melissa to get ready and we get up to leave and he turns to mallory and i and says "oh you guys are coming too?" apparently it was supposed to be a date with melissa (well a double because he brought said skanky roomate and gf) and so melissa had to drive and we're driving towards the planned theater and he says "where are you going?" and we say "to provo towne center, where are we supposed to be going?" which received a reply of "the dollar theater" and they had already bought tickets for flightplan...a *horrible* movie....and needless to say, not the one we had planned on seeing. mostly it was just funny for the sake of laughing at josh. sigh.

by the way i really love the way this new ...layout? looks. Love. It. I'm so great.

and...since I'm addicted to internet quizzes. Oh and my pirate name is iron bonny bess.

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	mysterious
Your hugs are...	gentle
Your eyes...	twinkle in the moonlight
Your touch is...	the only thing I desire
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	one of a kind
Quiz created with MemeGen!